Vancouver SEO

Dear Webmaster,

Did you know that you can get FREE TRAFFIC to your website?  Improbable, you say!  Well, my online ORGANIC SEARCH PROGRAM can make the improbable probable!  Did you know that MILLIONS OF PEOPLE use search engines?  Believe it or not, they do!  Each day you aren’t targeting your website to these MILLIONS OF PEOPLE is another day that you are losing $$$!  Stop losing $$$ and start making $$$.

So, Web… can I call you Web, or do you prefer Mr Master?  Good.  Here is a FREE SEO AUDIT of your website that took HUNDREDS OF HOURS of scraping domaintools.com:

SEO SCORE: 30%
KEYWORD RELEVANCE: 10%
INDEXED PAGES: 40%

If these numbers seem meaningless now, wait until you see our IN-DEPTH SEO AUDIT of your webpage.  If you’d like our IN-DEPTH SEO AUDIT for $250 per page, contact our SALES TEAM today!  Do not hesitate.  Your life may be at stake!  If you do not rank in the TOP 10 of GOOGLE, your family may shun you, your wife will leave you for another, your community will label you as a pariah, and you will get herpes.

Please do not take this lightly, Web!  Only SEO can SAVE YOUR LIFE!

Good day sir,
SEOBOT

… ahh.  I feel much better now.

I must admit, it has been quite some time since I have graced this site with a post, or a scrap of anything SEO related, so what better way to shake of the cobwebs of this site with a rant eloquent missive. I have mentioned before my distain appreciation for those misinformed web-savvy people out there who are under the delusion correct assumption that SEO falls under the umbrella of software development, so if you are one of those people, here’s a beginner’s primer…

SEO is an object-oriented language based on the link MVC (“more votes count”) design pattern, wherein the subsequent amount of AT (“anchor text”) of IL(“inbound links”) is proportional to the OP (“on page”) usage of a specific “target” to incur algorithmic favor with S Engine(s).  This is, of course, an oversimplification, but it does point out some very basic premises.

Let’s start with the classic “Hello world”.  To begin your first SEO program, open up your favorite website (I use vancouver-seo.com, its free and open source!), and start with a new page.  From there, we’ll need to enter the following script:

01 START

02 CHECKSUM GOOGLE

03 IF PAGE = INDEXED THEN GOTO 04 ELSE GOTO 02

04 REPORT "Hello, World"

05 GOTO 01 AND REPEAT

That’s all it takes!  Now go and write your SEO Programs!

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