I SEOBot

February 11th, 2010

Dear Webmaster,

Did you know that you can get FREE TRAFFIC to your website?  Improbable, you say!  Well, my online ORGANIC SEARCH PROGRAM can make the improbable probable!  Did you know that MILLIONS OF PEOPLE use search engines?  Believe it or not, they do!  Each day you aren’t targeting your website to these MILLIONS OF PEOPLE is another day that you are losing $$$!  Stop losing $$$ and start making $$$.

So, Web… can I call you Web, or do you prefer Mr Master?  Good.  Here is a FREE SEO AUDIT of your website that took HUNDREDS OF HOURS of scraping domaintools.com:

SEO SCORE: 30%
KEYWORD RELEVANCE: 10%
INDEXED PAGES: 40%

If these numbers seem meaningless now, wait until you see our IN-DEPTH SEO AUDIT of your webpage.  If you’d like our IN-DEPTH SEO AUDIT for $250 per page, contact our SALES TEAM today!  Do not hesitate.  Your life may be at stake!  If you do not rank in the TOP 10 of GOOGLE, your family may shun you, your wife will leave you for another, your community will label you as a pariah, and you will get herpes.

Please do not take this lightly, Web!  Only SEO can SAVE YOUR LIFE!

Good day sir,
SEOBOT

… ahh.  I feel much better now.

A Beginner’s Guide To Programming In SEO

February 4th, 2010

I must admit, it has been quite some time since I have graced this site with a post, or a scrap of anything SEO related, so what better way to shake of the cobwebs of this site with a rant eloquent missive. I have mentioned before my distain appreciation for those misinformed web-savvy people out there who are under the delusion correct assumption that SEO falls under the umbrella of software development, so if you are one of those people, here’s a beginner’s primer…

SEO is an object-oriented language based on the link MVC (”more votes count”) design pattern, wherein the subsequent amount of AT (”anchor text”) of IL(”inbound links”) is proportional to the OP (”on page”) usage of a specific “target” to incur algorithmic favor with S Engine(s).  This is, of course, an oversimplification, but it does point out some very basic premises.

Let’s start with the classic “Hello world”.  To begin your first SEO program, open up your favorite website (I use vancouver-seo.com, its free and open source!), and start with a new page.  From there, we’ll need to enter the following script:

01 START
02 CHECKSUM GOOGLE
03 IF PAGE = INDEXED THEN GOTO 04 ELSE GOTO 02
04 REPORT "Hello, World"
05 GOTO 01 AND REPEAT

That’s all it takes!  Now go and write your SEO Programs!

This post was brought to you by the Wikipedia Verifiability Taskforce.

SEOStats Released! Free iPhone SEO tool!

August 13th, 2009

As some of you may know from my ranting and raving about mobile SEO, I am an iPhone afficiando.  I take my phone everywhere, and often check the SERPs at functions where I really should be paying attention to real people (ie. family reunions, etc).  I also discovered the decided lack of SEO apps available for the iPhone, so instead of complaining, I put my money where my mouth is and developed my own iPhone app with my Vancouver Island SEO friend!  Its called SEOStats and its now available for download in the iTunes store.  Best part is: ITS FREE!

Already people are asking me, “its free?  how does it make money?”.  My response is, come on people!  Seriously?  Does everything have to make money?  Damned SEOs… ;)

Verifiability vs Truth: The Epistemology of Wikipedia

June 12th, 2009

After reading an informal survey of medical students using wikipedia to look up unfamiliar clinical topics I was struck with a somewhat chilling thought:  ”Have we finally traded truth for verifiability?”

I didn’t just fall off the BBS truck.  I feel I have a fairly good understanding of these connected servers we used to call the world wide web, and I understand intrinsically that reading something on the internet doesn’t mean that its true, but I am frequently disturbed by the amount of “research” that is cited as having been pulled from Wikipedia.  For those of you who haven’t read this before, here’s the threshold for inclusion in Wikipedia:

The threshold for inclusion in Wikipedia is verifiability, not truth—that is, whether readers are able to check that material added to Wikipedia has already been published by a reliable source, not whether we think it is true.

Again, verifiability, not truth.  The difference is clear, verifiability is merely an agreed upon authority, whereas truth is the elusive underlying constant that philosophers search for, and the core of what we classify as knowledge (in the epistemological sense of the word).  Broken down to the extreme sense, if “authoritative sources” say “the world is flat” then Wikipedia will include it, students will cite it, and public opinion will validate it.

Now as any marketer (or high school class president) can tell you, manufacturing authority is not a difficult task, especially in the online realm.  Knowledge is not required, only popularity.  The more popular an idea, whether true or false, the more likely it will be accepted.

Some of my teacher friends frequently complain about students citing Wikipedia in their research papers.  I understand their complaints, but the reality is that not only is Wikipedia accessible and easy to use, but North America’s most popular search engine considers it a high authority (and news source)!  The dice are loaded when it comes to actual online research which, ironically, HTML was built for (well, scientific documentation… but close enough).

It is for this reason why I don’t buy the “newsprint is dead” argument anymore than I buy the “record industry is dead” argument.  Both industries are amidst a paradigm shift, and sales are dropping because they don’t quite understand why they were successful in the first place: they established themselves as authorities.  I believe, when the dust settles, people will inevitably crave substance over style…

Well, at least one would hope so.

Hot SEO sex! Image search results are awesome!

June 11th, 2009

I don’t know what’s funnier, the fact that an SEO blog is ranking for “nude jaime pressly” or the fact that people are clicking on that image!

results-for-nude-jaime-pressly

Okay… one last test to see if the tool truncates long titles that are over the twitter limit and or if it’ll drop the url in lieu of the title… we shall see, no?

June 2nd, 2009

ya!  inneresting…

And the winner is…

June 2nd, 2009

Twitter Tools by Alex King.  Automatically updates twitter whenever you do a blog post.  Had to monkey a little with the code to change the text from “New Blog Post” to “Vancouver SEO – New Blog Post” (s’all about the branding), but it works.  You can download it here.

Final twitter twest..

June 2nd, 2009

Okay, so seriously.  All a guy wants is to have twitter update whenever there’s a new post… is that so hard?

Jaime Pressly Nude! Why HappyFrog is so happy?

May 21st, 2009

While checking the backlink environment for a site, I stumbled across something rather amusing (to me, anyway).  It involves happyfrog.ca, a BC based green directory which is a warehouse of links to sites about sustainability, green living, etc.  I think its a good site, but apparently they need some spam protection:

Google Results for site:happyfrog.ca "nude"

Google Results for site:happyfrog.ca "nude"

Here’s a link to the results in Google.  The pages have an imbedded “video” which links to a site that is clearly a malware farm (download a codec… yeah right!).  Now I finally know what keeps the frog happy…

Does a TLD matter for Google results?

May 19th, 2009

I’m gonna say emphatically “Yes”, as I’ve been following my special vanity SERPs for “Keith Greene”.  My main competition is a christian rock singer from the ’70s and a chef who once appeared on Hell’s Kitchen.  Google still thinks I mean the non-Irish spelling of “Greene”, but what’s interesting is my online SEO resume ranks on page 1 for “keith greene” on Google.com (New Jersey proxy), but not on Google.ca (my home country):

Google.com results for "keith greene"

Google.com results for "keith greene"

Google.ca results for "keith greene"

Google.ca results for "keith greene"

I host on Godaddy, which I gather the server is somewhere in the US, so this makes sense, but I’m a little disappointed in Google for not being able to recognize what country I’m from..  how rude!